So today is Columbus day, which essentially just means no school.
Gee thanks, Columbus, for discovering this place where ALL I DO IS HOMEWORK 24/7.
I've spent a solid 5 hours on my lab report over these past few days–no joke! And my history readings are massive, the Chinese vocabulary is never-ending, and my lit essay is peering down at my from above sneakily waiting to seize me the second I think I'm free.
It's actually okay, though. I feel fine, if not actually really pretty good! I haven't been outside for over 48 hours, and have pretty much remained in the triangular vicinity of the kitchen, my desk, and the couch... so instead of being restless and depressed I'm surprisingly feeling quite positive. Plus the mango I'm eating right now–which I cut up FOR MY SELF WHILE STANDING ON ONE LEG!–is really really good.
I'm supposed to hangout out with my friends later today, but no one is responding in the group chat and only he girls are making legitimate plans... not to stereotype or anything (!!) but boys are generally pretty bad at planning anything until about ten seconds before it happens! Oh well. My friend is also coming over tonight to sleepover and help me get to school tomorrow as I am still on crutches and even walking to the bathroom is like fighting WWII. But! Alas! I'm surviving.
I'm feeling really weird – I would never say alas – but you know what, I'm just gonna roll with it!
One of my dad's favorite concepts is this idea of the dialogue–that we all constantly have so many different dialogues with different things going on all at once. A dialogue with your friends, with your family, with your schoolwork, with your music, etc. And his way of approaching things, especially challenging, sometimes painful things, is to try and open up a dialogue with them. He said to me, Lola, open up a dialogue with your leg, start a conversation, let it know you want it to heal and the two of you can work something out.
It's sort of a wonderful, brilliant concept. I don't think we realize how many relationships we have going on all the time. Our idea of what a relationship means is sort of so limiting and if we look at in in the sense of our interactions with everything around us, it can be really freeing and a vehicle for us to communicate with ourselves and with the world.
Anyway, I'm just feeling really positive and collected and calm. One thing that's definitely helped with that is the conversation I had with my dad a few nights ago before my parents left on their trip. A lot of shit had gone down over the last few weeks, with constant arguments, misunderstandings, tears, and hurt feelings for honestly such unnecessary reasons. We're both so similar: so sort of stubborn, adamant, hungry to let one another know that we're right–although, what's ironic about that is we view ourselves as open and willing to accept new ideas and ways of looking at things, but really we're often the opposite. So although many of our conversations are wonderful and so insightful and fun and fascinating, often we end up in these heated debates that we could have easily prevented if we were both just a little more willing to listen to one another.
We finally, finally talked about it–for real. We listened to each other and it was one of the most powerful, down to earth, honest discussions we've ever had. I love him so so so much and he's one of my very best friends and I hate being on bad terms with him. With anyone, really, but especially family. It's just not worth it. It hurts, it's painful, but it shouldn't be because in truth everyone really has so much love for one another.
ooooooooof. So that's nice to not have to worry about now. We are on really great terms and it's making me really happy.
Also my parents are having a great time in Miami – they're sending me all these pictures and they both look so happy and relaxed and peaceful and that's also making me happy!
And I'm texting my old friend and she just sent me a picture of her adorable little new dog and that's also making me really happy!
And it's the time of fall where the leaves on all the trees are turning this gorgeous greenish gold and it's so beautiful and the light is shining through them right outside my window and that's also making me really happy!
And I'm really into my new haircut so that's also making me really happy!
And I watched a cool documentary on design called Objectified last night and I learned a lot and I'm super into design and especially product design and that's also making me happy!
I'm also getting these cool new glasses that are clear soon so hopefully that'll not only help my eyes but actually look cool so that's making me happy!
And life's really so rich and full of so many wonderful things, and sometimes it's so hard to believe that and to see that but it's really, really true! If there's one thing I've learned form this absurdly intense and rigorous school system, and cross country as well, is that there will be certain things in life that are so hard to push through, so hard to not give up, so hard to keep going and tell yourself that it's going to be okay, so unbelievably challenging and consuming and wicked but when you get through these things, when you're done, there's this feeling of immense accomplishment, of invincibility, that you can do anything and you can survive. Really. We can do it.